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Nature’s Mathematics

beats: DJ Large

when I was 8 years old I had
my first spiritual crisis and I told my dad
that I didn’t believe in god – it made him cold and sad
I guess it was ‘cause he was upset because it was during
evening prayer and all and I caught him off guard
I felt the tension in him then I decided not to mention it again
but those thoughts grew stronger
till I couldn’t hide or deny them any longer
I gained wisdom – the world is a mathematical system
hopeless- yeah that’s what some would say
but there would come a day when all my doubts were out of sight
but until the time was right I was like
“ hold me I’m dying – feeling cold yet I’m trying
to break free ‘cause I’m feeling claustrophobic and tired
chained inside a cage that has no mattress
believe me you can save your words of faith I’d rather lack it
I’m a slave to mother nature’s mathematics”
I tried to beat her but I couldn’t so I said to myself
“she’s a lying cheater” I guess it’s time for me to find a reason
gotta be some kind of weaker form of living
sort of driven from my old path by the orders give
by the powers to be – still the coward in me
kept on claiming Henry Bowers was free
when in fact the impact left me in pieces
while the cage was still intact and unscratched

I thought that gravity was the cause for things to fall
boy was I sad to see I was wrong about it all

so you define “free will” as free from causes
cause those are evil forces but swallow that definition and it follows
that if the substance of your will is not determined by causality
it has to be put together randomly
and now the “freedom” of your will begins to seem like chance to me
but of course you won’t accept that conclusion
a fusion of confusion and fiction – in itself a true contradiction
absurd in the true meaning of the word
I guess churches are great if you’re searching for faith
but they’re worthless to use if you’re searching for truth
see these people are lying to themselves to feel free
but where’s my freedom in the fires in the hell beneath me
I guess they can’t handle me ‘cause I say I’d rather be
a slave to something solid than enslaved by fantasy
but maybe they too will understand it later ‘cause no path is greater
you ought to respect cause and effect ‘cause they’re facts of nature
I know your soul is shook but trade your holy books for calculators
‘cause we’ve got mathematics everywhere
the true language that we share
it used to bring me anguish and despair
but I left all of that behind – now I’m more that satisfied
with this logical perfectly working system
and the overwhelming beauty of determinism
so are you happy with your fairytales or is it truth that matters?
take your pick – me I choose the latter

I thought I had to be something almost divine
but the eyes staring back at me from the mirror just ain’t mine

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